What makes us who we are? Is it our genetics, upbringing, or is it influence from our friends and social groups that mold our character? Quite possibly, it’s a combination of the three. What I do know and have witnessed, both with myself growing up and now as an adult observing child, is mirroring.
Mirror, mirror what do you see?
My darling child staring back at me.
Innocent and young, just learning who to be.
My best I must reflect, for your future I foresee.
A flashback of a summer back when I was in middle school. I was living in NYC and dedicated to being part of the cool club vibe that seemed to be resonating in my neighborhood. Like many others at this age, I was trying to find myself, fit in with the in-crowd, and trying to understand how much of me would actually fit in the in-crowd. The answer to that is not much! There was a girl that lived in the neighborhood that was not part of the group. She stayed to herself a lot and genuinely seemed to not want to be part of the group. And for that reason, she was made fun of – to her face and behind her back. The things that were said about her and done to her were cruel and with no basis – it is appalling how cruel kids are. I’m sure you have seen it yourself – maybe you were the “strange” guy/girl who kept to yourself… Or maybe you were the bully. Or even the bystander. I was the follower.
I had no reason to be anything but nice to this girl. She never bothered me or made fun of me like some of the others had. She kept to herself and wanted to be left alone. But I wanted to fit in so badly and be in the circle, that I mirrored what I saw. I didn’t go as far as to bully her or make fun of her to her face, but I did join in when they made fun of her in the group conversation. I don’t excuse what I did, I was a follower which is the last thing we want our children to ever be.
So how do we avoid this from happening? We need to set an example from birth. I encounter so many parents saying things like she/he is too young to understand right now. That is not true. From birth we are absorbing, everything we see, hear, smell, taste, touch. We are a blank canvas and our senses are the brushes. Parents, educators, adults, influencers need to always provide the most colorful and vibrant paint colors. This means providing the best example for our youth – with our words, our gestures and our actions.
My best I must reflect, for your future I foresee.
Imagine their future… As toddlers playing with their siblings and other children. In school, learning – participating – making friends. In high school, making difficult decisions that will define who they are – being a follower or a leader. And so on. It starts from 0, so let’s think about this and who we are when we are providing the mirror for our child to look into.
Children’s book author, journal maker, teacher, adventurer, Nutella food-tasting manager, and Nutella addict. And yes, I am related. Thanks for visiting – my blog JuiceBox is about my experience growing up and living with a physical disability (cerebral palsy). I intend to give you the juicy details of real life experiences; the hardships, the bullying, how I handled the situation then and, in retrospect, what I should have done. After obtaining my Master’s degree in General & Special Education, I decided that I wanted to help the children of today have a better tomorrow. Read along weekly and interact. I look forward to chatting with you.