I was ten years old, in a new state, “the big city”, a new student in a small school, and in some ways in a new body. Being born with cerebral palsy (CP) and hyper lumbar lordosis, I spent years in physical therapy (PT) making the best of the cards I was dealt. But as circumstances arose, my living situation changed, and my PT stopped abruptly during a major growth stage of my life. I had physically digressed and was feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. And the truth of it was, everyone around me was aware of it as well – or at least that is what it felt like, seeing that I was surrounded by classmates who sought to make fun of me. What did I do in response to this? Tell a teacher… a parent… a friend, maybe? No. It was too embarrassing. Instead, I did my best to blend in, to do whatever possible to go unnoticed and remain hidden. I was like a cuttlefish – a chameleon of the sea, swimming gently and trying to be like my fellow fish surrounding me.
How did I do this – or try to? I fought against every natural reaction I was having. I pushed my physical limits and basically pretended to be a better version of me. At least, that is what I thought I was doing. And you may be thinking, pushing your limits is a good thing. Well, yes it can be… But the reason you push your limits is equally if not more important than the results of pushing yourself. If you are obligated to donate your time to charity, is it as honorable as if you did it out of the kindness of your heart? I wasn’t pushing myself to be better for myself, I was doing it to fit in. I was being a cuttlefish in order to avoid to the name calling, the mimics, and the bullies.
Twenty years later, I am looking at that girl in her classroom, sitting at her desk trying desperately to fit in, and I want to tell her: Right now, you are in a fishbowl. A small transitional place that is soon to change and you will be making your way to the ocean. A place where live hundreds of thousands of species. All unique, beautiful and strong in their own individual way. You are not a cuttlefish so stop pretending. Be you – an octopus. Although at times you may be misunderstood, you are mesmerizing – with beauty, curiosity, and intelligence. And whenever someone or something makes you lose faith or you feel that a part of you is lost, remember that you will heal. You will regrow that part of you with time and confidence and be stronger because of it.
Children’s book author, journal maker, teacher, adventurer, Nutella food-tasting manager, and Nutella addict. And yes, I am related. Thanks for visiting – my blog JuiceBox is about my experience growing up and living with a physical disability (cerebral palsy). I intend to give you the juicy details of real life experiences; the hardships, the bullying, how I handled the situation then and, in retrospect, what I should have done. After obtaining my Master’s degree in General & Special Education, I decided that I wanted to help the children of today have a better tomorrow. Read along weekly and interact. I look forward to chatting with you.